Betty Pie

(Sung to the tune “American Pie” by Don McLean)

A long, long time ago I can still remember how hashers
Weren’t all senile.

Back then I knew DJ Flash Pants
could make all those young hashers dance
And maybe they’d stop drinkin’ for a while.

February my liver quivered
With each hash flyer I delivered
Hash news on your door step
Rash views for your twelve step.

I can’t remember if I cried when
I heard of a hash for Jerry’s bride
But something touched me deep inside,
The day, the rehabs, died.

So…

Refrain:

My my I’m a Betty Ford guy
Drove my old way to the Rodeway but the Rodeway was dry
And Betty’s there drinkin’ whiskey ‘n rye
Singin’ this will be the day that I die.
This will be the day that I die.

Thirty years we’ve been on our own
Grey beards grown fat with legs o’ stone
But that’s not how it used to be…

Uncle Fester swam for The King and Queen
Firing two Torpedoes for Norma Jean
Bringing Hope for you and me.

Oh and while The King was looking down,
That Jacko stole his horny crown
Palm Court room was adjourned;
Hash verdict was returned.

And while Sheepthrills wrote a book on marks
The HashBand practiced in the park
And we wore teddies after dark
The day, the rehabs, died.

We were singin’

Refrain:

My my I’m a Betty Ford guy
Drove my old way to the Rodeway but the Rodeway was dry
And Betty’s there drinkin’ whiskey ‘n rye
Singin’ this will be the day that I die.
This will be the day that I die.

I met a girl with new hash shoes
And I asked her for some frontal views
But she got riled and ran away.

I went down to the sacred bar
Where I snared hair of the dog before
But the man there said the “Dog” had run away.

Up desert trails the hashers steamed
Beer lovers fried, as sunshine beamed
But not a check was broken
What were those hares all tokin’ ?

For three hashmen we miss the most
Piper, Sugar & Yeast – a toast
‘Cause “Last Trains” headed for the coast,
The day, the rehabs, died.

And we’re all singin’…

My my I’m a Betty Ford guy
Drove my old way to the Rodeway but the Rodeway was dry
And Betty’s there drinkin’ whiskey ‘n rye
Singin’ this will be the day that I die.

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