International Weather Service to Use Hash Names to Name Hurricanes and Cyclones

The International Weather Service announced today it will begin using Hash House Harrier’s Hash Names to name Hurricanes, Cyclones and Tropical Storms starting with the 2022 Hurricane season.

Chief Meteorologist Marion Watanabe outlined the upcoming changes and assured the public that this change will greatly improve the International Weather Service’s ability to protect the general public from the potentially life-threatening impacts of Mother Nature.  As part of the initiative, the International Weather Service has signed a deal with a consortium of 37 global Hash House Harrier Kennels to acquire the usage rights to the complete hash name rosters of each hash kennel.

Meteorologist Watanabe 1
Meteorologist Watanabe announcing the International Weather Service change
to naming severe weather events using Hash House Harrier Hash names.

Meteorologist Watanabe explained that this change will help to mitigate the past safety problems caused by the public failing to heed the historical Severe Weather Alert storm warnings that were issued using standard civilian names such as Hurricane Murray or Tropical Storm Edna.  “People were just completely ignoring us when we warned them that Hurricane Melvin was forecast to hit the mainland as a Category 5 storm.”  Watanabe continued, “Moving forward we will be issuing severe weather alerts such as Hurricane Bloody Festering Piss Monster is scheduled to make landfall in 6 hours or Tropical Storm Hot Iron Sphincter Splitter is forming in the Gulf.”   

Meteorologist Watanabe concluded, “We are confident that moving forward we will have the public’s complete attention and full compliance.”

The International Weather Service released the following list of Hurricane and Tropical Storm Names slated for the upcoming 2022 storm season.

2022 – Official Hurricane Names Registry

Alice Doesn’t Hash Here Anymore

Burnt Bag Lady of Barcelona

Bloody Belching Beaver

Carl the Subhuman Hissing Bartender

Drunkyard Dog

East Infection

Everyday Peephole

Everybody Fucks Raymond

Fourteen Farts per Hour

Gorillas in the Miss

Help I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Drunk

Hey McCLoud Get Off of My Ewe

I Hash Therefore I Am

Jenna Tailya

Johnny the Monkey

Kinky Kong

Kittens in a Blender

Labia Tarpits

Lecherous Larry

Magic Bust

Mother Posterior

Nice ‘n Sleezy

No Body Does It Wetter

Nut N Honey

Open Festering Pastry Chef

One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato is Three or Six Potatoes?

Patrick Fits Michael

Pole Worker

Queen of Farts

Running for Orifice

Rusty the Anemic Weinerdog

Sheep Thrill’s Run bag

Shiggy Bardust

To Pee or Not to Pee

This is a Bust

Thomas Alva Zyklorwyzewicz

Uncle Charlie’s Electric Truss is Missing*

The Unibrower

SWAMP (So Who Ate My Pickle?)

Wizard of Bras

Yellow Pus Blister Buster

Zipper the Semi Potty-Trained Dancing Weasel

2022 – Official Tropical Storm Names Registry

Clam Before the Strom

Drunk With Powertools

Marine Layer

Placebo Domingo

Slippery When Wench

Thunder Head

Wet Nurse

*To be transitioned to be a Band Name in 2023

2 thoughts on “International Weather Service to Use Hash Names to Name Hurricanes and Cyclones”

  1. I am stealing “Carl the Subhuman Hissing Bartender.” Oh, and also “Zipper the Semi-Potty-Trained Dancing Weasel.” Sold names, Hash Boy.

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