Amy McMarathon’s Rant (Courtesy See More Buns)
AMY McMARATHON’s RANT
How will you be greeted at the Betty Ford registration table?
We expect a large number of participants in the Betty XXV event. We encourage everyone to sign up as early as possible. We also encourage those of you who show up every year, and just wander around to socialize to see what’s going on, to: “STAY THE FUCK AWAY”. Everyone else pays the rego fee, so unless you do, you are NOT welcome, even if you “bring your own beer and food.” And why the hell do you do that? You are missing out on the trails, the parties, you don’t get any great give-aways, and you save yourself a whopping $40.00 or so by not signing up. So, stay at home so we have more space at the pool for the registered Hashers.
Golly, is it Amy being extremely picky, or do a lot of you wankers just not know how to read? Out of 332, there are 72 of you on the Dumb Shit list. That’s a whopping 21.7%. WHATSUP?????
Therefore, this prompts a few more gentle reminders:
You know, just when Amy thought she had heard every excuse known to man as to why the rego & check were sent after the cutoff, low and behold, there’s a new one:
Yes, Amy understands that a 3 month lower fee of $110.00 just ISN’T enough time and she really sympathizes with you, but how is it, that 282 Hashers already managed to meet that deadline even though they were: “So busy at work”, “Meant to send it in on time”, “Had the check and rego all ready to go and forgot to mail it”, “Had personal problems at home”, “Got the flu and were bed-bound for two weeks and couldn’t get to a mailbox” (so what were you doing in those 10 weeks BEFORE you got the fucking flu?). And all the cute little notes and emails that you wankers sent about how you can’t wait to see Amy and all of the rest of us at Betty. Well, Amy can’t wait to see you either and collect the additional $35.00 that you didn’t send because you thought she’d let you slide. NOT!
So, where does it say anywhere on the flyer that it is necessary to enlarge the Rego form to 250%? Amy has diminished eyesight because of her age, however she is not blind. It does NOT fit into Amy’s tidy pile of regos, and she is very annoyed. Someone is extremely anxious to be put on the DS list, and by golly, he’s on !!!!!!
Amy gets all warm & fuzzy when she realizes that DumbShitness runs in families. It does her heart good to put all 3 family members on the latest DS list. Dad & Mom for not “detaching”, and daughter for hand-writing her rego form because: “printer is not working”. Let me ask you DS Jr., do you not have a job where you could use the work printer, or do you not have ANY friends who could print you out a flyer? TSK, TSK…..and the DS list continues to grow!!!!!
So, Amy has recently received notes attached to the regos, asking if we could lower the Betty entry fee to $100.00 instead of $110.00. Let me ask you, when has ANYTHING in your life had a fee reduced lately? And you only want $10.00 off? Gee, how about if we cut it in half or in thirds? Oh what the hell, how about free? When is the last time you paid for your groceries, or went out to dinner, or went clothes shopping? Obviously not in the past 5 years, so I guess the only time you get out of your house is to go to Betty. Amy hates to be the “bearer of bad tidings”, but the fee stands as is. NO discounts.
Amy has been under the impression that married/SO Hashers all have very special relationships. Well it has come to light that this just may not be true. It appears that some Hashers don’t speak to each other. Amy received 2 registrations (married Hashers) in November of 2010. Then yesterday, January 12th, 2011, she received 2 more regos from the same couple. They “forgot” that they already registered. It must be nice to have so much money that you don’t miss another $220.00.
Hey you Hashers: How about a math lesson? If you send in your rego before the January 15th cutoff, the price is $110.00. So if you send in 2 regos, the price is $110.00 X 2= $220.00, if you send in 3, then it’s $110.00 X 3 =$330.00, and so forth and so on. If this is too difficult for you to figure out, try using a calculator, or Amy may have to embarrass you at registration table for the missing money.
If you send Amy a check and it’s postmarked WAY after the 15th, even though you think you are being clever by DATING it the 15th, that just isn’t going to work. As mentioned in previous rants, Amy, although of advanced age, still has somewhat of a financial brain in her head and she is going to put you on the DS list. She will also embarrass you at the rego table by asking you in front of everyone, in a very loud voice, for the additional $35.00.
OK, let’s say you’ve signed up and you paid for your rego and reserved your hotel room. Follow me so far? OK then, let’s say you can’t go because your boss says you’ll lose your job if you don’t come to work that weekend. I’ll assume you are an idiot and you’re going to keep your job rather than coming to Betty XXV. Still with me? Now here’s the difficult part. You say to yourself “Whatever am I going to do about my rego and my hotel room?. Your first thought is to email that never crabby, sweet, kind, uncomplaining little Amy and ask her all kinds of questions, and wanting her to handle all the unfortunate details surrounding your flaking out. Well, guess what? STIFLE that first reaction, and don’t even think about emailing her. It’s YOUR fault you aren’t going so it’s YOUR deal to find someone to buy your rego and take over your hotel room.
Some of you opt to stay somewhere other than the Hash Hotel, because you say it’s “too noisy”! WTF? Too noisy at Betty? Really? It IS? Well then, before you come over to the loud, out of control Hash Central, be sure to use the nice, quiet little bathroom at the hotel you are staying at, because you are NOT using Amy’s. Your only other option is to get a room at the Comfort Inn like the rest of us and use the bathroom in own your room.
Rants from the past:
Hump-Me Bogart (1999):
Dean Martin (2000):
Jerry Lee Lewis (2002):
If you are going to be at Betty Ford for 3 seconds, or 3 minutes, or 3 hours, or 3 days, it’s the same fucking price. So deal with it or don’t come.
NOTE: PLEASE USE THIS FORM.
If you need to cancel or transfer your rego, email a request to Amy. Absolutely NO PHONE CALLS.
Do you see where it says Detach & Send*? (Below) Well, that MEANS ‘Detach & Send’. Amy does not need or want the whole page. This form was designed for one person, if you put more than one person on to be registered on a form, the “other” person (people) will NOT be registered. Could you POSSIBLY, In this golden age of technology, find a copier?
Do you really think we give a shit if you have special needs? Well, we don’t, so pay the fee or go run a fucking marathon somewhere.
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